July 21, 2010

What I am yet to get......

  • Why Lindsay Lohan did not darken up them locks before 3 months in Prison, Girlfriend is going to be sporting some good skunk stripe when she is released. But really, i think that is the best she has looked in a LOOOONG time. Go figure. I would have spent the last night of freedom out on the tiles, till I was scraped off the floor of some seedy tattoo parlour as the sun rose and delivered to jail by a bulldozer. We are just waiting for her to find God now.
  • How Gloria Jeans & Starbucks "coffee"can achieve the exact same taste as effluent run-off mixed with salt.
  • Why äoli is included in absolutely everything on menus. Ditto jus.
  • Please do not come and string me up, but Masterchef.
  • Why Hey Hey is still on TV and why is Tony Abbott appearing tonight as a red-faces judge - when dickheads collide.
  • Why kids can love eating something one day and swear off it the next.
  • Why I am likely to buy pink colours vodka drinks from a 19 year old promotions chick in a silver bikini on a Friday afternoon at our local bottle-shop when I have 2 bitchin kids with me and ugg boots on and I have illegally double parked out the front. Do I look like I care that it is Organic?? .
  • Why there is not a mobile coffee van parked outside my house at 7am. And again at 2pm. And a mobile wine bar van to toot it's horn at 5pm?
  • Why after 2 weeks of having the Mazda detailed, it still smells like cat yak rolled in mould.
  • Speaking of smells, what's with the stink that slaps you in the face when you walk past a Subway "Restaurant"? And therefore, why are they always so busy?
  • How come so many people with very horrific circumstances in Bogota and Sudan want to give me $30 million US dollars every day via my hotmail account?
  • Excuse me false advertising! - I expected a Geek when I booked Geeks2U to come sort out my computer issues, not a hottie. Got the neighbour in for further clarification and yes, she agreed.
  • Why I have more zits on my face at the age of 37 than I had for the entire 80's.
  • Why, despite having no wine for 2 nights, do I wake up feeling grumpier than ever.
  • Why Lady Gaga is always out and about without her pants. Not quirky LG, Lazy.
  • How my 4 year old can confuse my nicotine patch with a band aid when I discovered it on his knee. "What is on your knee baby?"
  • The Russian Fuckwits who thought putting a Donkey up in a para sail would be a good way to promote their business last week. That donkey should be encouraged to belt them several times in their Jatz Crackers. PS It survived.... just.

    What puzzles you?

Related Posts with Thumbnails