August 20, 2010

Glass Half Full - Andrew Kirk

To prove that WoogsWorld is not all about shits, giggles, boobs, farts, Vodka O, bitching and ranting, I am tickled pink to introduce a new segment called
Glass Half Full.
Glass Half Full is an Invitation Only challenge extended to exceptional people in the business, science, entertainment, arts and housewife industries.
The actual challenge it to pinpoint something you hate, and write 5 positive points about it. It sounds hard, and it is hard. And not everyone can do it.
I can't. Which is why I am inviting others to do it for me.
Like most things.

Father of four, highly opinionated and certified human hater - humanity lover who is watching the goings on in Australia from a secluded asian port, Andrew Kirk is the Senior Director of Endelman PR in Hong Kong. He is the big boss. He does not kiss ass, his ass gets kissed. But he is human and has issues with mundane things. He has accepted the challenge with gusto and got his response in in record time. Which is what you can do when you are the boss, phaff around on the company coin.

Please Queue Here!

Queues - I hate them with a passion that is rare. They are a crucible a human behaviour and emotion where all the bad traits and deep down nasty bits of our soul are crushed together and bubble to the surface. I also hate humans - confined space or not. This post has nothing to do with my uncanny knack of always finding the longest queue that forever stalls thanks to humans who are lobotomised as birth.

So I now write now in support of and my love of the queue.

5 reasons to love queuing…

1. If necessity is the mother of invention than the women who invented the Blackberry and i-phone must have been standing in a queue at that time and been utterly bored and pissed off – that’s when the idea hit them. There are often "Do not use mobile" signs everywhere but the good news is you can still type. Queues are designed to be so slow you would prefer to stick knitting needles in your ears to pass the time but they now allow you to time to tweet, text, and check up on WoogsWorld without fear of knocking into anyone, tripping over a gutter or boob bumping someone in the lift. A back bump is ok.

2. Queues allow people to smack their children without fear or favour. Inexplicably frowned upon in most societies and public places, a queue now offers you something you can find nowhere else in the world – a heavenly haven where everyone around you is in full support of smacking that screaming little shit. Whack away we all say - in our minds - whack away.

3. Queues make us feel better ourselves as parents. Once you use the Jedi mind trick to get that parent to belt that snotty nosed future Liberal voter - you can then stand high upon your white horse and start tut-tuting about poor parenting, inappropriate behavior and pro-abortion tag lines. You shake your head and with a mere catch of another’s eye around you, you can all shake your heads in unison and all feel better about your own shitty parenting. Now, reach for your BB and tweet about it - pure gold.

4. Queues teach us more about ourselves and other cultures. Do you really know how you would perform under extreme pressure? What would water torture do to your mental state? How would being locked away from the outside world mess with you? A queue lets you experience all of this – a social experiment if you will. It also teaches you cultural sensitivities. Some cultures don't believe in queues and therefore may tend to ignore the well known queue rules. Elbows, hips and grunts are used to protect your spot but these anti-queue cultures are well versed and experienced in the art of queue jumping. But you are a bigger person and you learn and grow from the cultural experience and also try to improve your Jedi powers by encouraging someone to belt them.

5. Finally, queues let you get work done. How else would I have had time to write this post if I wasn't standing in the Australian Customs queue at Sydney Airport - yea, welcoming fucking home - now go stand in a long slow cue and wait your turn... Service with a smile my arse. Maybe I can write about that next week.

Oh, and one more thing – don’t you just love finally getting to the front of the queue to realize you had been standing in the wrong one all along… I love queues…
Thank you Andy for your insight, I think there is something in that for all of us.
Can you add anything to that comprehensive list?
Next up is Kylie Minogue.
Keep your eyes open for more insights on keeping your Glass Half Full
when you are about to lose your shit.
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