Not sure how to retell this story, so I thought I would do it Brand Power style by bringing you the facts along with a photo essay. FACT
Sunday afternoon, the Divine Ms M collects me for a quick 2 hour whizz around the QVB to buy presents for various people. We are on a strict time frame due to a new baby needing her boobs at 2.30pm.
FACT
Ms M is a brilliant gift giver, researched and thoughtful, so she had mapped out a few shops we needed to go to first before we indulged in any retail therapy that may benefit ourselves.
FACT
We walked into the building and within 7 seconds I found the perfect gift for my sister in law, so in theory I was done.
FACT
We went to the top floor of the QVB - you know the floor that has very strange specialist shops for geriatric gentile rich old folk. Shops like Antique Print Room, Country Classics, Peter Nathan Toy Soldiers and Pen-Ultimate. We were there to conduct a shock and awe campaign at Florentine Australia, a shop that specialises in all things strange. But is did have a nice collection of leather journals amongst the glass pens and venetian masks.
FACT
We were the only ones in the shop apart from a couple of 50-something girlfriends who were buying each other wax seals, so when they wrote to one another they knew who it was from.
FACT
I should have walked out then. One of the women was wearing a hand-painted toll brooch with Friends are kisses blown to us by Angels on it.
FACT
We were invited to join these two ladies for a quick lesson in how to prepare and execute wax seals, you know the type that were used in the days of yore. Well it would have seemed rude to say no, and she did say quick, so we gathered around Olde Worlde Boss Lady's desk.
FACT
Cut to 45 minutes later and she was still talking. Talking and explaining. Correcting Ms M and myself when we threw in a smart ass comment. Nodding in agreement with the other 2 morons on how it is a lost art and should be taught at high schools. Chastising other customers in the shop who had come into check out the latest in boat models contained by glass bottles for being noisy. She ignored the silent secret nasty fart that someone emitted. After a while, I asked her if I could take a few photos so I could remember the correct procedure in making wax seals. She grudgingly gave permission.
Old Wax Lady showing the correct position of how you would start, should you be a bunny.
How you can use foil to assist in cooling of wax seals, in this case embellished with a ribbon.
How one must drip the wax accordingly to make an even seal.
Me backing away quietly, as not to startle her, to let off a silent fart while standing behind Ms M, so blame could be directed her way.
Unwrapping a previous hit of wax seals. Street Value $23.
Unwrapping a previous hit of wax seals. Street Value $23.
Old Lady preparing a bit of paper as to make a faux envelope, even though the shop sold envelopes. Please note she does not actually make a seal - just pretends to do so.
Mrs Woog pointing out how much more convenient it would be just to lick the fucking thing
Old Lady telling me that if I was not interested in wax seals, why had I been watching her for an hour.FACT
I had had enough and took myself out of the shop. The Divine Ms M came out ten minutes later (she is much more polite than myself) empty handed. I had a quick Valium then went across to Mont Blanc, which is a fancy shop that sells pens for $400. She found the perfect leather diary in 60 seconds.
FACT
The two smooth gentlemen who were serving us were quite taken aback when Ms M asked in a loud voice to a crowded shop, "So are you two a couple? Seems to be a bit of chemistry behind the counter." The men turned instantly into yobbos and suggested to us both that they could prove their heterosexuality in the back room with us if we liked.
FACT
We declined their kind and selfless invitation and commented on their flair for gift-wrapping.
FACT
I will never darken the door of the 3rd level of the Queen Victoria Building again.
Interested in wax seals? Click on Florentine Australia and knock yourselves out.
