January 02, 2012

Mrs Woog's Newbie Week - BLUNDERMUM

Well hello there!  How are you doing? I am up at the Sunshine Coast for some stimulating family time so I have handed over this blog to a handful of new bloggers. If you like what you read,  please visit their sites. You never know.... it may be the start of a beautiful, strange, cyber-stalking type situation.....

Welcome to Motherhood. These are your rights.

Just had a tanty, thrown the kids outside and pulled apart the lounge room fort that jumped out and tripped you over? Yup, me too. Every day for the past 5 years I've watched where I stepped, minded my parental manners, and given up my Self in exchange for child happiness. I miss me. My tanty had no effect on them anyway. I'm the mum, I'll just let them build another fort tomorrow and trip over it again - right?

No. I've had enough. I'm declaring a Bill of Rights for Mothers.

I, as a mother have the right to:

Listen to my own music in the car. Wiggles and Justine Clarke on repeat can stay at pre-school, not in my ears. That music is only catchy the first five gazillion times. It’s a good thing I’m too cheap to pay for their concerts, they’d probably end up issuing a restraining order against me.

Tell you lies for my own amusement. Where do babies come from? You buy a seed from eBay. The parcel man brings it.

Walk from the kitchen to the lounge room without injury. If you leave your crap out and I trip over it, it's going in the bin.

Pee in private. A child throwing the door open and yelling BOO may be conducive to the purpose of the toilet visit, but it will also result in the toilet brush being thrown at their head.

Choose the bedtime story. Hey, if I'm reading this drivel, at least I get to choose it. Suck it up, tonight you're getting the 4 page board book about a puppy. Oh look, the end. Love you, night.

Have a phone conversation. Especially when that call is to a stupid voice recognition system and it can't filter out small voices. I'll be on hold for 10 minutes, just give me ONE minute of silence now!

Use my own pillow. Your head is comparatively small, either stop hogging the pillow or go sleep in your own bed.

Eat your dinner. Hey, I cooked it and it looks good. If you don't eat it, I will. Oh, you want it now? Diddums.

Read a newspaper all the way through without making a single pirate hat until the end.

I love my kids bunches and bunches, but I also really love preschool, daycare, and bedtime. Perhaps if they can get with my new program I'll like them just that extra bit more. I don't ask much, do I?

Blundermum lacks and talent in most areas, but has never stopped trying things and failing spectacularly. Single parent to Bubba (2) and Weasel (5), her house is a doodle-free zone of chaos. http://www.blundermum.com/ often exposes these failures for public amusement.
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