We interrupt your regular reading

We interrupt your regular reading to address the emails I received yesterday asking where Saturdays With Sawhole was.

So SawHole, WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU!?

You are coming off all like Kyle Sandilands and his continuing no-show on the Crap-Factor.

Have you too been sniffing coke of hookers asses in the basement of the Piano Room?

This week we are happy to introduce a new regular column on WoogsWorld called

Second Chance Sundays with SawHole.

Dear SawHole,

Last weekend we went out to dinner with some friends. They bought their neighbours along who we had not met before.

The neighbours were very quiet and a bit strange, but when it came to paying the bill, they actually got out a small calculator and added up what they ate. And worked out the price of wine per glass from the two bottles we ordered and contributed what they drank - like per mil. They then did not put in any extra money for a tip for the waitress. We found this a bit awkward.

Now our friends have invited us over to their place for a BBQ next week with this strange couple. My wife and I cannot bear the thought. Should we be honest with our friends and tell them that their neighbours are idiots or go and suffer in silence.

Regards

Stephen





Dear Stephen ,

Thank your for entrusting your dilemma to SawHole.

SawHole rule number one - SawHole does not trust anyone who is quiet or lacks charisma so get the fuck out of that restaurant.

My first question would be - why are your friends inviting these freaks along to social events? Surely they must have something on your friends because they don't seem to be bringing an abundance of charisma to the table. I am thinking they have something on them, such as they have a swimming pool, are allowing them to park their car in the garage or Mr Friend is Bonking Mrs Finger-Nails-on-Chalkboard.

Who knows? Who cares? My job is to protect you and to prepare an action plan for said BBQ. Here is what you do:

1. Get David Attenborough type costume and notebook, plus binoculars. Wear to dinner.
2. Walk up to them and invade their personal space.
3. Ask many, many questions (The Divine Miss M is an expert at this)
4. Make a great show of being interested
5. Attempt hugs, kisses and slaps on shoulders
6. Ask said Freak to put money in the parking metre.

What? They're gone? See you later, Freako Tight Arse!

For a more articulate explanation of the dangers of tight arses click here. Joe, who is my personal cult hero, once met the Wikileaks dude and there was an incident because the Wikidude did not bring booze.

Hiss!
Cheers Dears,
SawHole

PS How would you deal with this??