June 23, 2010

A Letter To Myself.

A while ago I remember reading in the Good Weekend, a series of letters Celebrities wrote to their younger selves. They urged (their younger selves) to be kind, call your mum often, grasp every opportunity that may come your way, do pilates, stop and smell the roses and other boring bullshit you can read about in a Hallmark Card.

It got me thinking what I would say to an 18 year old Mrs Woog, and this about sums it up.

Hello there and sit up straight,

Put that bloody fag out right now and listen up.

Years from now you will glad that I told you this. OK so your life is ahead of you, but Missy, trust me when I tell you you will make some really stupid decisions. Like in 2 years time you will be visiting wineries in the Hunter Valley. Use the Spittoon. It is a bucket placed on the bar for you to taste the wine THEN SPIT IT OUT. This will save you extreme embarrassment.

Now when you hit 21 and get a proper job – beg borrow or steal some cash and go and buy a house in Mosman. Close to the water if you can. You will have to spend about $300,000 which may seem like a lot – but follow my plan and you will not have to work when you are older.

You might be getting a bit of pressure from your boyfriend Pete the Butcher to get his initials tattooed on your arm. Just Don’t ok?

All of your girlfriends are soon going to take out loans to buy Mazda Bubble Cars – resist. Stick with your Dad’s old Nissan Skyline.

By the way, you know how you think you are fat now? Go and buy a strapless dress and wear it to your formal. Take heaps of photos, because baby, this is the best you are going to get.

You will meet a man when you are 20 - do yourself a favour and do not return his phone call. End of story.

Remember that strange fellow that crashed your 16th Birthday Party? File him away for a few more years. He is the one.

See your stack of CD's. Find out a way to put them all on your computer.... ok, see your computer? That is going to change A LOT.

If you have unprotected sex twice, you will have 2 kids.

When you go to uni – study the Chinese Language and combine it with a business degree. Or anything to do with property. By the way, stop squeezing your skin. It is not that bad and you will end up with scars. Trust me, your mother will be right on this one.

Invent something called Reality Television. It sounds strange but what you need to do is get 10 people, put them in a house and film them around the clock. Absurd I know, but if you do this, buy your house in Mosman and invent the ipod - you will be rich beyond your wildest dreams.

Considering I have not seen my belly-button for some time, you will be wise not to pierce it now. Also bikinis do not suit you now and they never will.

Got that?? Oh and be kind to yourself blah blah blah.

Love Mrs (older) Woog

Related Posts with Thumbnails