September 06, 2013

Here is a photo of my penis. A guide to Modern Dating.

I had lunch with my friend Sam at the local cafe yesterday. The sun was shining, hitting my back and warming me up to perfection. We ate a chicken salad, drank some coffee, chatted about all sorts of stuff including kids and crap.

Sam was telling me about some misgivings she had about a party that her young teenaged daughter had been invited to, which sounded extremely dodgy. I was telling her about smart phones and some horror stories about teenage parties, social media, Facebook and stuff.

We both agreed that we were very lucky that these devices were not available to us at that age. 

And then Sam's phone beeped.

Long story short, it was a text from a fella called Gav. Gav had apparently been clubbing the night before and had met a girl called  Ashley. Ashley had obviously given Gav the wrong number, which had turned out to be Sam's.

The text, intended for Ashley, spoke of the fun night that they had had together, suggesting that they meet up again soon and that Ashley had taken some very outrageous photos of Gav on his phone.

And would she like to see them?


We had unwittingly found ourselves deep in the middle of a modern day text flirtation, and we were two bored ladies talking about kids and crap.

The phone beeped again, and neither Sam nor myself were prepared for what we were about to clap our peepers on.

There is was, a photo of Gav's penis, apparently taken by Ashley in the bathroom. Gav's penis was apparently very happy with all the attention.

I dropped the phone as if it had bit me.

Sam texted Gav back to let him know that he was texting pictures of his penis to two middle aged housewives, bravo for belonging to a penis and to have a nice day.

Gav texted back OH MY GOD LMFAO. 

And now I cannot stop thinking about it. No, silly, not the penis but the notion that someone might be willing to photograph it and spread it around, like some porno selfie.


Oh you know that this line needs to be used at some point, so....

Back in my day, if you liked someone you let your friend tell their friend and then wait by the phone for them to call you and ask you out.

And I am not talking Elizabethan Times, I am talking 20 years ago. I am also quick to point out that I am not a prude, I consider myself to be fairly broad minded, but at which point has it become ok to share your frank and beans with the unwitting world?


Have the rules changed and no one told me because I am happily married and have my head stuck up my own ass? I should be aware of the changes, as I have many single friends on the dating scene who might not know about such developments.

So now I am picturing that dating sites now have included, as part of your profile, a section where you can upload a picture of your genetalia as part of the marketing plan designed to find your true love.

"My name is Steven and I am 38 years old. I live with my flatmate in Manly and work as an accountant. I prefer tea over coffee and my favourite book is anything my Bill Bryson. I have a border collie called Sophie. I love spicy food, movies having a laugh and am looking for someone down to earth. And here is a picture of my cock."

So I continue to be confused and I am totally blaming "young people."

*shuffles off and vows to vote for Fred Nile*

Related Posts with Thumbnails