January 05, 2012

Mrs Woog's Newbie Week - HESPERA'S GARDEN

So now I am into day 5 of my holiday and by this stage I suspect I will be a bit fed up with the kids. But I am heading to Noosa today for a prolonged afternoon at this dayspa. Bliss! Here is another great newbie for you to check out!

She's sending me grey!

I swear I have a new grey hair this morning. It popped up last night, to join the others that have steadily been taking up occupation on my head. Little buggers.

So, what's causing my hairy demise?

Hurricane Tara. The six-tween-year-old occupying the room next to me.

Oh yes, make no mistake, she is not just a simple 6 year old. She has been practising slamming doors since she turned 3. She's exceptionally self centred and egotistical and has an obsession with lip gloss. Oh yes, she is a 16 year old trapped in a 6 year old's body.

Yesterday the following phrase leapt forth from her lips: “...that's ok Mama, besides, I am watching ABC Kids on 2... and drinking”. Say wha'? Or when requested to clean her room: “But there is too much STUFF! Oh, but I need it aaaaaaaall!” Or the most common one... “Isn't my hair beaaaaaaautiful? Aren't I beautiful?!” Yes sweet child of mine, you are beautiful, stunning, and glorious. But you are my daughter, I am MEANT to say that.

My daughter is more girly than my husband and I put together (and that is saying something!). She now refuses to wear jeans because they don't feel nice, wants to wear dresses all the time and has her own very unique style.

She has had a fairly steady “boyfriend” since she started school. There is a running joke between the parents about each of them stashing the others' clothes in their school bag. When I explained to her I did not think a kindy girl needed a boyfriend, she burst into tears, looked me straight in the eye and wailed “But he loves me mama, he LOVES ME!” Who can argue with that logic? (Though he's now moving to a new school and I might be a tad relieved!)

So what caused the catalyst yesterday to give me that new grey hair? Oh, I asked her the most painful of requests. I asked her to draw a picture. And little miss I-can't-do-anything-unless-it-is-absolutely-perfect could not get the fairy wings right and chucked a hissy-fit of tears as I tried to tell her it was beautiful as it was. “No it is NOT!” she stomped. “Then don't do it if it is going to make you sad and upset...” I retorted. BIG Mistake. “You don't understaaaaaaaaaaaand me!” she wails. “I am trying...” I fumble...

And it's in that moment, the moment she screams the words “UGH! You make me so angry!” and slams the door, that I know this parenting thing is an uphill walk, forever... but I am doing a good job. As her mother I'll probably screw her up for life somewhere along the way, but isn't that my job? To give her a life time of fodder for her psychiatrist, in exchange for every grey hair she gives me?

Someone pass me the hair dye...

A place of honesty and love, sadness and grief. Hespera's Garden is a blog of heart driven words written through the aftermath of stillbirth, the journey of motherhood, the joy of family and the powerful connection to my circle of friends.

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