September 28, 2011

Piss Weak World and other adventures.

A few days in Queensland is enough to sooth one's soul after a hectic and sometimes illness ridden term 3.  With Mr Woog still in Paris,  I accepted Nikki Parkinson's invitation to come up to the Sunshine Coast and chill out.  We took a very VERY unimpressed Chuy to the Boarding place at our local vets where Harry and I both cried a little bit. And Jack asked very loudly "Is he going to die?"

The trip up north was uneventful and we arrived at Nikki's house to find another Sunshine Coast Blogger had put together a little "Welcome Woogon" gift box for us.

The box contained an random assortment of items including Surf Life Saving Raffle tickets,  A sachet of cat food,  come Coles Sports for Schools tokens,  The local pizza place's takeaway menu, A ceramic thimble that said I LOVE MOOLOOLABA, A keyring that proudly declares SUNSHINE COAST, 2 x giant novelty pencils and ruler and eraser sets that also told me that they LOVED MOOLOOLABA, A nudie postcard with naked ladies whose boobs lined up with the OO OO 's in MOOLOOLABA as well as 3 bananas and half a pineapple.

Thank you VeggieMama. I loved it!
We sat down for a champagne and when I looked up,  my self esteem plummeted.

Mr Styling You and Master Styling you were generous and fun hosts to the Woogettes the next day when I went with Nikki to the charmingly named Cotton Tree Boat Shed to meet her gaggle of girlfriends and have some beverages and tapas. I was keen as I needed an excuse to wear my leopard printed gold sequined kaftan to a place I would not get laughed at for wearing it. With white pants.....

I sat there and said to them "YOU LIVE HERE??"  and they all sort of nodded and I just could not help thinking,  as I looked out across the Mooloolaba River,  that they were not appreciating it enough.  I mean it was fricking paradise and they LIVED THERE.  And get this......


So I continued to bore them all with tales of why they were all so lucky.  And the sun beat down on us all afternoon. And the wine was drank and the talking went into over load and well.  lets just say someone might have been a bit unwell later in the evening.

But it was not me!

Dawn broke the next day and we packed up the kids and took them to Australia Zoo.  Australia Zoo is Steve  Irwin's legacy. We arrived there and I asked the teenage gorm manning the booth what a Family Ticket was.  She told me a mum, a dad and 3 kids.  I asked if they were ok with same sex parents and her slack jaw grew slacker. I handed over the deeds to our house and turned to the kids and told them they could do anything at Australia Zoo that they wanted.... as long as it was free. I was going to write a little joke here about Steve Irwin not the only person being stung but I took it out as it was in poor taste.

My wife and I took the kids into the main arena where there was some pre-match hype going on in the lame-ass African dancing trying to entice us to go to the new exhibition entitled AFRICA..  But we wanted crocs.  Big frigging crocs.

Imagine my surprise when Terri Irwin and her money makers Bindi and small blonde boy bounded out into the arena,  all miked up and ready to say CRIKEY a billion times. I immediately noted Terri's early 90's high-wasted pale denim jeans and made a mental note to take the boys to the camel exhibition.

We then went to the much hyped new AFRICA exhibit,  where you had to line up for 30 minutes in the sun and get on a shuttle.  Then the host talks up the new exhibit like a bingo caller on crack.  We arrived at AFRICA and proceeded to walk up a hill on a dusty path and look into a paddock which contained 7 animals. And that was it.

Did you ever watch The Late Show? Specifically Piss Weak World?  It was like Piss Weak World.  At the top of the hill there was an ice cream shop,  thoughtfully placed so you could get nagged to death in the dusty heat.

Piss Weak

And speaking of piss weak,  I apologise to Jack for my lack of beach toys but was pleased to see him being inventive when he used a discarded Boost Juice cup as a bucket. I could feel everyone looking at him on the beach thinking.... "Oh that poor boy."

We are back in Sydney now and I am getting the Woogettes ready for some intense tennis camping,  but my mind keeps wandering back to the last couple of days. Can you believe some people get to live here?

What is your dream holiday destination?  Africa?

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