- Each morning you are greeted with drops of piss on the toilet seat.
- Each sink has a liquid soap dispenser next to it, which is empty.
- The kitchen bin always needs taking out.
- In a room somewhere, Jack will be singing a Lady Gaga song.
- Harry is rolling his eyes
- Mr Woog has his weekly Tupperware Tantrum
- There is the omnipresent hum of the Fisher and Paykel
- You hear the words "I'm Hungry."
- There is no toilet paper left.
- Mr Woog requests I get off Twitter
- There are always more kids here than I actually gave birth to.
- Mr Woog says we are absolutely skint and not to buy anything unless we can eat it.
- There is a fancy new car in the driveway and the neighbours think we are not skint but they do not know that it is just a review car and has to be returned next week.
- You have to wear shoes at all time in the kitchen because the floor is fucking disgusting and you do not want to pick up a staph infection.
- One of the Woogettes actually picks up a staph infection. Possibly from the kitchen floor.
- There are more wine bottles in the recycling bin than there are milk cartons.
- A piece of mechanical equipment breaks down.
- Sponge Bob Square Pants is on.
- I am saying "Only boring people get bored..." to one of the kids.
- Mr Woog suggests you might like to pop into the bedroom for "a chat." Cue another eye roll.
- Mr Woog laments the arrival of another power bill and walks around the house and turns everything off.
- Any chance of a sleep in is squashed by any of the above points.
But I wouldn't be anywhere else.
