August 28, 2011

You know you are living in WoogsWorld when......

  • Each morning you are greeted with drops of piss on the toilet seat.
  • Each sink has a liquid soap dispenser next to it, which is empty.
  • The kitchen bin always needs taking out.
  • In a room somewhere, Jack will be singing a Lady Gaga song.
  • Harry is rolling his eyes
  • Mr Woog has his weekly Tupperware Tantrum
  • There is the omnipresent hum of the Fisher and Paykel
  • You hear the words "I'm Hungry."
  • There is no toilet paper left.
  • Mr Woog requests I get off Twitter
  • There are always more kids here than I actually gave birth to.
  • Mr Woog says we are absolutely skint and not to buy anything unless we can eat it.
  • There is a fancy new car in the driveway and the neighbours think we are not skint but they do not know that it is just a review car and has to be returned next week.
  • You have to wear shoes at all time in the kitchen because the floor is fucking disgusting and you do not want to pick up a staph infection.
  • One of the Woogettes actually picks up a staph infection. Possibly from the kitchen floor.
  • There are more wine bottles in the recycling bin than there are milk cartons.
  • A piece of mechanical equipment breaks down.
  • Sponge Bob Square Pants is on.
  • I am saying "Only boring people get bored..." to one of the kids.
  • Mr Woog suggests you might like to pop into the bedroom for "a chat." Cue another eye roll.
  • Mr Woog laments the arrival of another power bill and walks around the house and turns everything off.
  • Any chance of a sleep in is squashed by any of the above points.
But I wouldn't be anywhere else.

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