The battle of the ridiculous present started with a large, ugly, loudly-ticking clock, which I had received from the Divine Miss M's father, Mr Tony.
As far as I was concerned, it was game on and so began a high-stakes game of present tit-for-tat.
While there have been some winners over the years, such as the flouro orange safety vest The Divine Ms M and Mrs Woog gave me for my 29th birthday, the creme de la creme is this:
I gave this present to The Divine Ms M during the Great War of 2003, when she gave me food and shelter while I was under an infidelity bombardment.
So successful was this gift, it has found its way onto national television, where The Divine Miss M told the Sunrise audience about its unique attributes. The result was the distributor's website crashed and he ran out of product when he was besieged by Sunrise viewers. See I am not the only one who thinks it is cool. (she says defensively)
The product soon took off and it is now endorsed by an international movie star:
But the prize gift has to be the plastic nacho holder that is shaped like a Mexican sombrero and plays a mariachi tune each time you take a chip.
Which, as Damon says: 'Is pretty awesome as it also stops you from double dipping.... That's a good gift too.'
So there you go - endorsed by Matt Damon. What more could you bloody well want. Game over.
I should really know better. After all, I used to be the shop-around chick for Absolutely No Choice Magazine. I should really hang my head in shame.
Choice spokeswoman, SawHole
What we found was that some small appliances are just duds in terms of their usefulness, and what we found was the number one most useless item was the electric ice shaver. And number two was the ice cream maker as well. And people complained that that didn't make the amount according to instructions, and it wasn't really like ice cream at all.
I can recall doing media interviews and proudly telling journalists I had bought Dad this:
The Sunbeam Poposaurus pop corn maker. I remain totally brazen.
But since it is the season to be jolly, I have been buying some gifts for my Woogsworld buddies.
Mrs Woog - Work it Baby!
Steven Murphy aka Mother Gay.Why would I give him such a thing? I am a jealous cow who feels her Saturdays with SawHole page is under threat due to his brilliance.
Mr Woog. A few shares in one of these.
StylingYou's Nikki Parkinson gets
Why? Because she is the only one who could make this bag look stylish.
And for our wonderful Wanderlust, here's an Aussie pack for your forthcoming trip to the Australian Bloggers Conference.
So there you go. You may wonder what my worst ever present was? Well it was a pair of mega-sized control undies from Nanna Freda when I was aged 12. Hence, why I continues to have issues.
A close second was the strange humping dog which my alleged friends Heather and Pagey got me for my 30th birthday. I farmed the bloody rabid thing out because it was not coming back to my house. Check out the look on its face .
Heather then followed it up with a book called The Dance of Anger for my 31st.
By the way Santa, I want Uberkate for Christmas.
What would you like this year?
