About ten years ago, two of my best friends got married. Which is extremely considerate of them and cancels the problem that can occur when one of your mates marries a fuckwit and you are all like "We do not see them very much anymore because he is such a fuckwit...."
But that does not mean one of the said parties above cannot ACT like a fuckwit. On rare occasions. Like what happened last Friday night at netters. (baby netball).
To protect any innocent children, we will simply address the couple involved as Mr and Mrs Finlayson.
It was a chilly, clear night and Mrs Finlayson was standing on the sidelines wearing a White Witchery Puffer Vest, when she noticed that Mr Finlayson had arrived and was standing on the opposite side of the court. Mr Finlayson was in a jovial mood, having spent the afternoon drinking a long lunch with work colleagues. She watched has he started getting all.... well let's just say passionate, about supporting his daughter on the court. And after a few minutes of "passionate" sideline vocalising, Mrs Finlayson's face turned to horror as the umpire stopped the game and walked over to her husband.
Mr Finlayson looked like he had been bitch slapped by the umpire as she asked him whether he had a problem with what she was doing. She then extended to him the whistle and asked whether he could do a better job. This all happening on front of dozens of parents who knew each other and were regular gossipers. Mr Finlayson later told me just how tempted he was to take that whistle and get the game going but he was wearing the wrong sort of shoes.
The game re-commenced but Mr Finlayson was not out of the woods yet.
Enter Mrs Finlayson.
Mrs Finlayson is a pocket rocket but can fire up like a rabid chihuahua when provoked. She and her puffer vest made their way around the court to a sheepish looking Mr Finlayson, where she proceeded to rip him a new asshole. The F word was used liberally and loudly, much to the horror of the North Shore parents who covered the ears of their Annabella's and Hugo's. Mrs Finlayson bought out her inner Blacktown for all to witness. And together they were the perfect example of what not to do when watching kids sport.
A few days later, Mrs Finlayson received an email from the netball club reminding both herself and Mr Finlayson about the Parental Code of Conduct Court side. And now when Mr Finlayson drinks a long lunch, he is to go directly home. And Mrs Finlayson can watch her daughter's game in peace.
Muzzle optional. Puffer vest mandatory.
