Oven Slaving with Mrs Woog - Tight Pant Pasta

It was last Tuesday and Randy the Hot Cock told me that it was HOT!

Sup Randy?

It was so hot that we treated the pigs to a session at a day spa, also known as the mop bucket...

Everyone was hot and hungry so at the end of the day, with no relief from the heat in sight, I cranked up the air con and cooked up a batch of Tight Pant Pasta, named for the fact that if you eat it too often, your pants shrink a size or two.

You will need:

• garlic - crushed, as much as you prefer.
• olive oil
• 1 red onion diced
• 1 leek finely sliced
• 4 rashes bacon diced
• 1 red capsicum cut into fine strips
• Cracked Pepper
• Cream - just pouring cream. Small carton. Use light, makes no difference to the taste.
• 1 box of pasta
• 1 handful parmesan cheese

Ok, gather all your bits. A few years ago I was at the Royal Easter Show when I got totally sucked in by this bloke who was able to show me 1100 things you could do with the gadget he was selling.

A mandolin. Not the musical instrument.... THIS!

Cost per use is currently 0.002 cents.

Dice up your veggies while you brown off the bacon. Get that pig crispy people! This is all about the textures. Then chuck in a little oil, garlic, onion, leek and capsicum and cook it all down into a caramelised mush. Season it with pepper. It ain't pretty.

Get your water boiling and once rolling, bung in a box of pasta. I always use Barilla because it is the best. Use a pasta such as fusilli, so it can catch all the evil goodness of the sauce.

Now pour the cream over your mush and gently heat it, stirring as you go so the flavours really permeate the liquid. As it heats, add a handful of good quality parmesan.

Ask your partner why all of a sudden we are drinking XXXX beer. Be ignored. Ask son to put pants on as dinner is nearly ready.

Once your pasta is cooked, drain it into a colander and give it a quick stir. You want to remove as much as the steam as you can as water will make it more difficult for the sauce and the pasta to make sweet, sweet love to each other.

Dump the pasta into the hot saucy pan and stir the whole bloody lot like a mad woman.

Eat a bowl of it. Eat another bowl of it. Trust me, you really have to show some restrain. Even though it has a little cream in it, it is light and delicious to nosh into.

Take your pants off because they are now too small and watch TV while your family cleans up the most spectacular mess you have left in the kitchen but it was so worth it.

So that is how you make Tight Pant Pasta. 

Is it too debaucherous for you?

Let me know if you give it a go.