Fashion Week and Fashion Fails

It started with my mate The Divine Ms M asking me to shave my legs. Shaving my legs is tedious and I probably should do it more often. I grudgingly agreed, but didn't get around to doing it.

Why is this important?

Because last night I trotted myself out with the "Beautiful People" and attended the closing show of Fashion Week and the launch party of Elle Magazine.

Unqualified? You bet your sweet ass I am. But there were a few observations I feel the need to share, all in the name of Fashion, sweetie.

DO NOT SMILE

Rule breakers. With Nigel, Head makeup artist - Maybelline

NETWORK

I met John, the head of L'oreal Australia and spent a good few minutes discussing a very, very serious situation. THEY ARE DISCONTINUING MY FAVOURITE FOUNDATION!

This is me vlogging it a while back, such is my love for it.

Now, he is the head of a company and I am the head of a small blog and I spent time berating him for the axing of my foundation.

Yes... network.

WEAR MASSIVE HEELS

Again failed at this. The highest heels I have are a 2 cm kitteny type and I still bitched and moaned about discomfort. Some ladies, however, were walking around with bleeding toes. Why. WHY!!!! And don't tell me that heels are more comfortable. BOLLOCKS.

WEAR LEATHER

Leather is everywhere this winter. EVERYWHERE! Michelle Bridges was wearing this hot leather dress. I told her she should buy it, as it was a loaner from the designer. I kept patting her. It felt nice.

She had to leave, because there was someone else to talk to.

But back to the leather. Everywhere. Good excuse to pull out my PLEATHER EZIBUY JACKET! WAHOOO.

PEA-COCKING

This was a new and interesting concept for me to try and get my head around. It means that you slowly strut up and down in front of the photographers, hoping that one of them will ask to take your picture. Then you act all surprised, and a little annoyed, before BAM - you smack out a series of well rehearsed poses and pray like crazy that you end up in the style section of a magazine.

FLANNIES

Flannies are BACK! But this season you are not to wear them. You are to tie them around your waste like you used to do in high school because you worried that you might get your monthlies or you had some concerns that your ass was too big.

Another puzzling trend was the way the fash pack were wearing their jackets. Ignoring the need for arms and sleeves, the way to wear a jacket is to have it slung over your shoulders.

Seriously, I counted 2 dozen examples of this. This look is here to stay. For at least a few more days.

IN CONCLUSION

Although clearly out of my depth when it comes to style, and cool shit and knowing what to do at a fashion event in general, the one thing I took away was the irony of it all.

I mean, you are encouraged by magazines to follow fashion, whatever path the editors decide to lead you down. The girls on the catwalk are 17, the gorgeous genetically gifted freaks of nature that they are.

Women in my age bracket are invisible to all designers but a few.

Especially if you enjoy a carb fest.

Why just this week, I was in the Plus Size section of Myer and my head was spinning with all things purple and black. There was not one thing in their range that could be considered stylish.

I was actually hoping to find something new to wear to the Fashion Week event, and this is what Myer kept offering up to me.

and I am not even joking...

Fashion Buyer at Myer? Straight to Spankytown!

The other noteworthy thing I took away from Fashion Week was that STYLE and FASHION are two very different things.

You HAVE style or you FOLLOW fashion.

The irony about following fashion is that everyone is so desperate to keep up with it, that they ultimately end up all looking the same.