March 03, 2012

The Bullshit Fairy


“Mummy is not yelling at Daddy. We are just talking loudly so we can really hear each other.” If you live in a house where on occasion, voices are raised at spouses, it is always better to spin a little creative licence than tell you kids the truth. It will not do anyone any good if you hiss “I am yelling at your dad because he is being a total selfish a-hole who spends too much time tinkering in the shed when he should be giving you a bath…” or so I am told……

"Mummy is crying because she is so happy." Not because I am exhausted, pre-menstral, over you and your father and am remembering my old life.

“I am not hiding from you. Sometimes I like to come and sit in the cupboard and think how much I love you.” You know those days! The days where everyone wants a piece of you and you hear MUM MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM being bellowed about the house. So you seek refuge in the cupboard with your iPhone and you are safe as houses until one of your mates call you and then the kids spring you. Sitting in the cupboard. Like some sort of weirdo. Or so I am told……

"After I drop you at school, I like to spend the day planning things to do to make your life even better." One of my kids once asked me “Mum, what do you do all day when we are at school?” I would feel slovenly and festering if I were to answer with the truth “Mummy likes to gossip with her mates and watch TV. Now Oprah is finished, I am having trouble transitioning to Ellen. Sometimes I go to the café and order some lunch which I eat while reading a really bad, trashy magazine. Or sometimes….. I might go back to bed.” But this is not going to advance yourself in their eyes. Instead inform them about how you plan to do research into the nutritional value of the meal you plan to prepare for them that evening.

"If you do not do your homework you will fail at school and when you are a grown up you will have to spend your days filling potholes on Blacktown Road." So untrue! I did not do my homework and I failed at school but I do not spend any of my days filling in potholes on Blacktown Road!

 Do you ever spin bullshit to your kids?
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