February 08, 2012


We have officially outgrown our little house. I knew this when I has on the loo last week and I was talking to both of the kids while Chuy the cat rubbed up against my legs.  I yelled at them all to get out and shut the door.

When I came out of the bathroom they were all standing there,  waiting to talk or meow at me.

I have no place to escape to.  Out little house is made up of 5 rooms and that is about 2 too few. I want a walk in wardrobe and a heated towel rail.  That is all I want.  I am not a uni student anymore.

I found a house to rent which has a walk in wardrobe and a heated towel rail. Plus 4 bedrooms and a study. I want to live there.  We went and checked it out last weekend and thought we would take it.

It has been 6 years since we moved and renting is now a whole new competitive sport.  Much to my surprise,  you do not just decide to "take the lease" you have to jump through a series of hoops and complete a complex set of tasks even to be considered.  First up,  you have to brave the open house,  where you tramp through with dozens, AND I MEAN DOZENS, of potential tenants.  I like to walk around and loudly point out all the flaws in a lame hope of turning other punters off.

Then you have to sweet talk the teenager who has been put in charge of the open house. 

Then you watch in horror as potential tenants hand over completed applications,  along with references and bank statements and a dozen home made muffins.

We are slowly getting our application together. I have had to write two references about ourselves for others to sign.  That was a really difficult task.  I wrote points like:

  • Keeps the garden tidy
  • Keeps the recycling bins full of empty wine bottles
  • Has no pets whatsoever
  • Employs a full time house-keeper
  • Is extraordinarily responsible with account keeping and bill paying

We are now trying to chase friends down to sign these references,  where they will also benefit from fancy new professional titles like Shadow Minister for Health.  By the time we actually get our application together,  a new family will be putting up a Christmas Tree in the house we were trying to rent.

So the Woogs are on the move.  Eventually.

PS The other thing to note is that Sydney rents are now fucking astronomical.  I mean I should be getting a pool and a heliport for the proposed rents offered.

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