December 08, 2011

5 Things I do not like in my mouth.

My son Jack is the world's fussiest eater. My son Harry will eat the contents of the fridge no matter what is in there. They were born of the same parents and given the same start in life (agonising months of breast feeding.) Then farax etc until their diets developed. Well Harry's developed. Jack is a picky, finicky princess.

Me? I am a fantastic eater.  But there are still some things that will not grace my taste buds. And they seem to be connected.

Even typing the word mayonnaise makes me kind of gag.  The world is not kind to a mayo hater. Mayo is EVERYWHERE. "Does this have mayo in it?" I ask and the waiter says no and when I get it, there is mayo on it. Sweet, creamy lard. No. And a big no to it's fancy cousin aoli.

Egg and mayonnaise sandwiches are the work of the devil and when I see people eat them,  they always have a bit at the side of their mouth. And then they try and talk to be. Big sloppy runny eggs on toast with hollandaise sauce makes me not want to sit opposite you at the cafe. Hollandaise sauce is just buttery mayo. So it is up there with mayo, and aoli.

Caviar is something people eat if they want you to think they are fancy. It is eggs. Fish eggs with baby fishes in them and to me that does not seem right. Crunchy, cold slimy fish eggs. Pass.

I love fish that is white and firm and not fishy. More chickeny.  But tuna and salmon stay with me for days. Salmon covered in hollandiase sauce will make me not want to sit opposite you at a cafe. Or kiss you with tongue.

A familiar scene played out in our family is that of the unexpected biting down on an evil cardamon pod at an Indian Restaurant. Nearly always by me. "Cardamon Pod! Cardamon Pod!" gets screamed out followed by vigorous spitting and swigs of beer. Why do they need to be in curries? They are as evil as dried monkey nuts.

So there you have a few things that I cannot stomach. 

Is there anything you will not allow in YOUR mouth?
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