November 10, 2011

Squeezin & Sneezin

Standing at the pharmacy the other day talking to the chemist, I had to pause conversation and hold my hand up in a STOP like fashion. I do this unconsciously when I need to sneeze. I then cross my legs, squeeze and sneeze and carry on the conversation where I left off.  Like this is a totally normal way to interact with other human beings.

After having two children,  my pelvic floor reminds me of a colander. Not an el-cheapo colander from the $2 shop. A really expensive colander that allows full draining. Like an Alessi colander. I have learnt to live with my leaky colander as I neglected to do my squeezy exercises as it felt strange. (please stop reading Dad).

So if my pelvic floor is like an Alessi Colander, Michelle Duggar's pelvic floor would be like a Villeroy and Boch colander, the supreme colander that allows superior drainage. Even more so now.

I was watching the news last night when a story revealed that Michelle Duggar and her husband Jim were expecting their 20th child. Their 20th child in 24 years. Michelle is 45 and there are some concerns.

"She’s a high-risk pregnancy because she’s 45, and because that uterus can’t have any spring in it anymore," Dr Snyderman said on TODAY's Professionals. "I mean, really, it’s gotta be like a water balloon that has no tensile strength.”

What is tensile strength?

The Duggars are conservative Baptists who believe every child is a gift from God and will continue to to have them as long as God allows them. (God, please make it stop!) They are also Grandparents. I do not know how they survive day to day without vodka,  but they do.

Apart from Michelle's Pelvic Floor,  the other thing I am worried about is what they plan to call baby number 20. All their kid's name's start with the letter J. I am going to suggest they call the new baby Jesus. It seems only fitting.

But it is none of my business how many kids this family (who incidentally have become rich and famous with their own reality show about super-breeding) have. But when I think of the practicalities of the situation it really does make my head spin.

Oh the washing......

So good luck Michelle! Ask your horny Bible quoting husband to keep it in his pants for a while and start squeezing. A lot. And from now on,  every time I sneeze I will think of you. Even when a bit of wee comes out.

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