July 10, 2011

Why your parents need to sign a release form before you can play in our backyard....

When Harry turned 4,  I bought a trampoline off eBay.  I was looking for cheap and delivered.  It arrived on the morning of his party,  an event attended by our enormous family who were quickly put to work assembling it.

It was a 16 foot trampoline.  Mr Woog and I watched in horror as it grew to fill pretty much our entire backyard.  It was a magnificent site and I believe it was visible from the moon, along with the Great Wall of China.  It was fit for the Beijing Olympics Trampolining Competition.  It housed the entire kid population of the party and later that night  UberKate and I,  fortified with spiritual refreshments,  decided to have a go.

We bounced once or twice before my pelvic floor gave way.

That was the first and last time I went on that trampoline.

Months later,  we were tired of the mammoth trampoline,  so I put it back up on Ebay ($1 reserve,  winner must come and dismantle) and a family from Katoomba came and took it away.  It gave us back our lawn but the Woogette's were less than impressed.

I gave myself a crash course in mathematics and decided an 8 foot trampoline was more suitable for our backyard,   so again it was delivered and we had a BBQ for our friends which was a guise again for them to come and help put it together.

Over the years,  that crap trampoline has devalued somewhat.  Friends who have been around since the start happily let their kids play on it and I believe this is because they have seen the deterioration so slowly and have not realised what a death trap it actually it.  When new school friends come over for a "Play Date" (whoever coined that phrase,  please proceed straight to the shit list) I see their mum's peer out into our backyard and look concerned.  Very concerned.  Because most of them have trampolines that look like this.

Not this........

Don't think it looks so bad? Let's take a closer look.....

This is what is left of the zipper that you are supposed to do up to prevent your kids from flying out and straight into casualty.  Or what dogs like to munch on.

The net is slipping down the poles faster than Shane Warne drops his pants.  The poles used to be wrapped in soft foam so you do not smack your head on them and hurt yourself.

Those two elements combined means that the net has lost nearly all use and when you lean on it,  or worse fall into it,  you are in great danger of sustaining a brain injury.

The blue padding that covers the rusty springs remain,  tied on by one lonely Velcro strap.  That strap has saved lives. We love that strap.....

But I suppose the most unique feature is the extra entry and exit hole which the Woogette's added with a small pair of nail scissors that allows them not to argue anymore about who is to get in first.  Good one boys!  Remember the day you did that?  Mummy was so proud......

So that is our death trap that lives in our backyard.  So far (touch wood - hahaha Very funny Mr Woog,  get your hand off it.  It is not funny after the first time) we have had no need to make the trek to hospital. But it is starting to make my eyes hurt when I look out into the garden.

Have you got anything around your place that is way past it's used by date?

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