December 08, 2010

Mrs Woog's Chrissy Do's and Don'ts

I was thinking the other day about how this time of year, and how it can send you straight to the shrink. It is chaos all around, and for every day I continue to put off my Chrissy Shopping, my anxiety surrounding that particular task increases tenfold.

Mr Woog cannot believe I actually DO NOT WANT TO GO to Chatswood!

And it got me thinking about what makes the festive season so shit in many ways, and what can make it easier. So here are my top tips to see you through to the end of December without having a permanent booking scheduled at your local psychologist, or being placed on mild sedatives.


Be like my good friend Mrs Finlay and complete all your Christmas Shopping by the end of October and have it all wrapped. But a bit too late for that so NEXT!

Have a kit handy to help kids while opening gifts and assist you in removing the crap expensive plastic toy from the outrageous amount of packaging on Christmas morning. The kit should include one of these;

    Do participate in Kris Kringle if you come from a huge family like me. And pray to God that your name gets pulled out by the funky sister (You know who you are).

    Do have a stash of emergency wrapped gifts to give to kind folk who drop off pressies, but you did not realise you were THAT good a friends with.

    Do pack up your family, get a house sitter, read a bit of Elizabeth Gilbert and spend 5 weeks in Bali, starting from next Friday.


Do not put this on your car unless you want to be on the receiving end of me flipping you the bird at the lights so vigorously, I will put myself in danger of getting Carpal Tunnel syndrome.

    Never EVER put your hand up for hosting duties. I promise you, you will have a shit day and it will be compared to every past Christmas, which were far more classier with better food. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. Go trash your cousin/aunty/mum's house instead. And walk away.....

    Dispute temptation, do not get shitfaced on Christmas Eve

    Do not ever attempt to blow up and inflatable pool on a bindy patch. There will be tears.

    Do not listen to your Mum, who says although your ham glaze is good, it is not quite as good as hers. Because you have missed the secret ingredient that would make it perfect, so when you ask her what it is, she says "That will go with me to the grave.."

    Do not attempt to put your mum in a premature grave.

    I invite you to add to this list of Christmas Do's & Don'ts.

    See it as a community service.

    till then,

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