November 20, 2010

Holy Mother of SawHole.

This Saturday SawHole addresses the issue of same sex parenting.

"Premier Anna Bligh's surrogacy law has allowed two men to bring a baby boy into the world fully intending that this baby will never have a mother," Dr David van Gend said.
"That shameful act violates the child's fundamental right to enter the world as all of us did - with at least the possibility of a mum and dad in our lives."
Shameful act? Them is fighting words David.
David, meet Sawhole.

The first same-sex couple to have a child under the new surrogacy laws - Bentley and Matt Harris with Connor, 6 months - have met with joyous acceptance and loud condemnation. - Courier Mail

In a secret location, far, far away lies the Baby Bootcamp Bunker. This facility, headed by Mrs Woog, is for certain people, ahem, who have no idea what to do with a baby.

I was admitted in 2006 in preparation for the birth of Miss Charisma. Mrs Woog handed over Jack and taught a panicky SawHole how to feed, bathe and dress him. Why? My only experience with a baby was when her then one-year-old niece fell off her bed while under her watch. So as a result of that, I was petrified that I was going to drop my baby, trip over my baby, scar my baby for life, forget to feed my baby, harm her in the process of taking a singlet/vest off and eventually leave her in a shopping trolley somewhere.

It is just not in my make-up to be maternal. I am not good with kids but I am excellent with dogs and people behind the counter at bottleshops.

Anyway the good news. I got a robust baby who has grown into a little girl who takes no garbage from me. Lucky really because if I had been given an insipid baby or a bigoted baby it might have gotten ugly. Why am I telling you this?

Some fool in Queensland is saying same sex marriage hurts kids and children are better off with straighty-one-eighties. Please click here.

This is crap. I have days where, as a straighty-one-eighty, I think Miss Charisma would be better off with:
Chief Justice Michael Kirby - for moral leadership.
Simon Huck from The Spin Crowd - for amusement and fun. Imagine how cheesed off Jonathan would be with a child in the office.
Colin and Justin from Three Celebs and a Baby - I cried when they had to give up their anamatronic baby.

I know plenty of cases where conventional marriage has hurt lots kids.

Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fischer. Fischer leaves his wife for
Elizabeth Taylor. Carrie Fischer said this messed with her head for
years because the woman was... Elizabeth Taylor.

Bob Hawke and Hazel Hawke. Bob had his sausage in every pie in the
1970s and 1980s. He was never home to see his kids either, with one of
them sinking into drug addiction. I blame you for that, Bob.

The Sainted Princess Diana and Charles. Their break-up included talk about tampons, weird military horse riding chaps and a jaunt to Pakistan to suck up to that heart surgeon's
family. While William and Harry are surely nice men, that tampon talk in relation to Camilla's Map of Tassie would freak you out. I bet they are freebasing off their heads now on their Zoloft.

Don Draper and Give-Me-A-Bullet Betty Draper. Mad Men's Sally Draper is indeed a very confused child and I predict she will stab her mother in the head one day.

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. I hope their kids are okay because their Dad is a loser and regularly threatens to kill either their Mum or their step Mum. But at least in your books he is straight, David van Gend!

So David van Gend, whoever the hell you are, I challenge you to a bitch off. For every name you can drop, I can drop 10 and you know I am right. David van Gend you are on my list for 10 years and no-one wants to be on that list.

Now behave. NOW.
Cheers Dears,

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