September 28, 2010

It started with a lemonade icy-pole....

Nothing like hitting up first thing on a Tuesday morning. And the winner of my Summer Legs Giveaway is............ Nappy Daze! Congratulations on your upcoming sexy legs. Please email me your address.

And SawHole is holding her first 24 hour express giveaway. Read through, enter and find out how we met, and finally learn that we are really 2 very separate people.

It started with a lemonade icy-pole

I have a friend called Finno who likes a chat and a laugh. He was the first to discover Mrs Woog no doubt while they were both wagging class at the College of Knowledge.

As usual, Mrs Woog's reputation preceded her and UberKate and the Divine Miss M gave me positive reports. I decided I had to meet this girl, so asked Finno to arrange an introduction, which probably took place on the dorm steps while she was having a ciggie. I would have had grey hair and high waisted, light washed jeans.

Now the first meeting is a bit of a blur but I do remember vividly a wagging session a few weeks into our blossoming friendship. We sat in her dorm room scoffing the icy-poles while watching Days Of Our Lives. Fast forward a few years (ahem) and not much has changed except she watches Oprah and I enjoy Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew.

My favorite 1990s Mrs Woog story involves a pool table, a terribly dressed woman and a cask of Peach Cooler. It was the night of the College of Knowledge's Cinderella Ball. I was dressed in my Year 12 formal frock, which frankly should have stayed back at the Lithgow RSL. Mrs Woog and I were enjoying a glass of Peach Cooler, which I had purchased partly with my Leagues Club discount.

Suddenly, Mrs Woog observed that something was not right. There was movement beneath a nearby pool table. Mrs Woog bravely took it upon herself to investigate and looked under the table to find one of the university's biggest idiots in a passionate embrace with a young lady. Mrs Woog and I laughed ourselves silly. Mr Double-Barrell-Surname from Bellevue Hill yelled: "You are over at this university, Mrs Woog, over." Mrs Woog did not miss a beat and replied: "At least I have my pants on." Cool under pressure. That's our Mrs Woog. She then dared me to kiss someone.

One of the key things that we had in common was that we had terrible taste in men. Before Mr Woog and Mr SawHole, there were a variety of suitors, the most notorious being named Maggott. I cannot recall why we gave him that name but he no doubt deserved it. Even UberKate was in on the act and that is when you know you have crossed the line. He dumped me after cheating on me.

Why am I telling you this? Well because I found a little letter circa 1992 that was penned to me by Mrs Woog. The letter is even yellowed in a First Fleet kinda way. It reads:

From the Desk of Peter Maggot (surname deleted to protect him)
Dear SawHole,
I just really wish you would leave me alone! Just because I am skinny and foul and shit tapeworm does not mean you have to be mean to me! Now don't be a bitch.
Love, Maggot

The letter's author had taken the time to do some drawings. As I don't have a scanner, I will have to improvise. Here is Maggot.

And at the time, Mrs Woog was dating a young man who has an uncanny resemblance to this bloke . (BTW I think this guy looks very Ivan Milat)

I am sure I shot back something far less witty, without drawings.

When I was dating in my 30s, I used to ask myself what would Mrs Woog do in this situation? She actually coached me through a dumping once. Excellent advice! Excellent dumping!

So here we are a few "ahem" years later and we are still working it on the writing and advice fronts. Here we have Mrs Woog and SawHole putting their opinions on the world with this new-fangeled thing called the Internet. Bless. A match made by the devil.

Anyway SawHole has stuff to giveaway to mark the fact Mrs Woog has been her friend for half her life. Why do such a thing? Well my other friends have gone into Witness Protection.

So for your chance to win one of two Bloom Hair Pamper Packs simply leave a comment . Mrs Woog will will announce the winners tomorrow on WoogsWorld.

Cheers Dears,

Related Posts with Thumbnails