March 09, 2010

The Squat Fart

I think I am ready to share something horrible from my past.
It occurred about 12 months ago when I was at the gym. It was the last time I have been to the gym. I am still mortified. Therapy has helped.

I was waiting for a machine called a leg press and I was about to get on it when a bloke and his personal trainer went to get on it. I liked the leg press as you could sit down. You can fashion it so it looks like you are trying very hard.... but really you are not.

Me : "Sorry - you go and I will do something else" like fill up my water bottle or continue to procrastinate.

Trainer : "No - come train in. Train in. TRAIN IN"

Me : "Sorry but I am not sure what you mean,"

Trainer : "Switch up the reps"

By this stage I am totally confused, but through a series of role plays and flip chart with a marker, I work out that me and the 2 cute boys were going to take turns. That is what "train in" means.

I pop up on the machine. Trainer man adjusts the weights for me and I grab the handles and push back. 

The most enormous fart rips out as I extend my legs. The sound of it hitting the vinyl seat reverberates though the gym. Man those buildings have good acoustics! It was timed perfectly with my stretch. 

There was no denying it. 

There was no excuses. 

There was no time to ignore it. The look of shock and horror on the faces of those two men was only mirrored by my absolute desire to run as fast as I could and keep running a la Forrest Gump.

Would be delighted to hear Woogworld reader's similar stories of public humiliation if you are ready to share. Warts and all. Try and beat that.
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