Mrs Woog helps you sail through summer, European Style!

One of the advantages of finding yourself flat on your back for 3 days is that you get to stop and experience things that otherwise may have passed you by. Things like watching Kerri-Anne,  checking out the school newsletters and reading the huge pile of mail that sits next to the microwave.

In the huge pile of mail sitting next to the microwave,  there were several EziBuy catalogues. I get the EziBuy catalogues as I once ordered the boys some doona covers from a friends catalogue several years back.  I do not get time to go through the catalogue very often. But yesterday I did. And with the onslaught of the party season just around the corner,  I thought I would share my picks with you. Specifically from the EUROPEAN COLLECTION.

When I think European,  I think wandering down the Champs Elysees, admiring the fountains of St Peter's Square in Rome, marvelling in the sites of Amsterdam's Red Light District or skulling pints of Tennents at a Norf London Pub.  And now you can feel the European mood wearing any of these stylish outfits, without having to fly to Europe to buy them.

I love this. It maybe my favourite. You think it is leopard print and then it surprises you by finishing with a cheeky zebra pattern.  Great for the school run.

This shiny blazer and blowdry combo will take you anywhere. Whoever said helmet hair was out is wrong, Tres European!

And when you are on your yacht and the deckhand shits you for not bringing your drink to you in a timely fashion,  this statement piece is perfect to express your annoyance.

End of year class catch up BBQ's at the local park with a billion flies and a warm flagon of cask wine can sometimes do with a touch on class.

I like this outfit for those quiet moments that you can snatch throughout the day to just stop and ponder.

Colour? Frills? Embellishment? Lebanese Restaurant Belly Dancer?

And for when the party is over and you run into your pissed neighbours from next door,  nothing says "I hate you, you prick, for keeping me up all night with your drunken mates and barking dogs and unregistered cars doing burnouts at midnight outside my house..." like a snarl and a statement shirt.

You know there are those times....... those times when you have to have a colonoscopy and you just cannot decide what to wear to the appointment? TA-DA!

And finally. Ever been caught out with nothing to wear when you appear as an extra in a supermarket for an episode of The Bold and The Beautiful? This navy taffeta dress with matching bolero will take your character everywhere. Even when you dream sequence shag your half brother Ridge after your sex change operation.

Which outfit floats your boat?

Do YOU buy from EziBuy? DO YOU?

Woogs of the PlayBoy Mansion

OK, so being a fatshonista can be tricky. You need to know what trends to jump on and which to give a wide berth to. Today's lesson is about Bunny Ears, which have continually been hopping onto catwalks and magazines for the past 12 months. And all I can respond to it is DIE BUNNY DIE.

Bunny Ears should go back to where they started, at Hugh's Place. They just look better on surgically enhanced peroxided blondes don't you think? Just a bit proper hey. You need DD cups to accessorise them. Here is the late ANS showing the skinny runts at the Paris shows how to pull of the bunny look, complete with an Easter Egg Hunt. (Is it just me or does she look a little stoned in this photo?? At least she can scoff a few eggs to take the edge of those munchies.)



I know this is cute and all, but there is something that deeply disturbs me about this representation of Bunny Ears.

Looking back into the history of Bunny Ears as fashion, we can pinpoint it to the establishment of the PlayBoy Clubs. (lifted from Wiki)

The Playboy Bunnies were waitresses who served drinks at Playboy Clubs. There were different types of Bunnies, including the Door Bunny, Cigarette Bunny, Floor Bunny, Playmate Bunny and the Jet Bunnies (waitresses that served on the Playboy Jet). To become a Bunny women were first carefully chosen and selected from auditions. Then they underwent thorough and strict training before officially becoming a Bunny. Bunnies were required to be able to identify 143 brands of liquor and know how to garnish 20 cocktail variations. Most dating or mingling with customers was forbidden. Customers were also not allowed to touch the Bunnies, and demerits were given if a Bunny's appearance was not properly organized. Only the C1, most important "Keyholders" (members of the Playboy Club), were allowed to date a Bunny.

So to bang a bunny, you had to be a member of the club... Um OK then perhaps a slight hint of a well organised prostitution ring. I would so be a door bunny, or a jet bunny. Or some type of fucked up myxomatosis bunny.

The inspiration for the post came about on the weekend when I spied this in the current edition of Shop Till You Drop (my personal porn of choice).

Now do not start bleating on about how fashion should be whimsical and fun. This is just plain STOOPID. And considering you would have to stack shelves at Frankins for 2 weeks straight to be able to afford them, Ms Nerida Winter, you are officially on my list.