I have spent the day on the edge of a glorious panic attack. If you are lucky enough to be a fellow anxiety sufferer, you will know EXACTLY what I am talking about. Panic attacks are the same as the herpes virus. You will always carry it and you are never sure of when an outbreak will occur.
Being from a long line of drama queens, I can sometimes panic when I am alone about the following.
- Being murdered in my bed
- Being murdered in my bed and in the morning the kids do not notice and only come to check on me a day later when the Wii remote runs out of batteries.
- On discovering my body, I worry that the kids will go and raid the chocolate stash, and that is just for me!
- What if I go into labour? wait..............
- Ok so what if someone I know goes into labour and I have to go to the hospital in the middle of the night?
- What of one of the guinea pigs dies?
- What if Chuy is cat-napped?
- What if the ATM eats my card?
- What if the Mazda blows a tyre?
- What if the last two remaining light bulbs left in the house blow?
- What if I fall over and cannot get up?
- What is the kids get gastro, like the last time he went away?
- What if I am so desperate for adult conversation I am almost talked into joining a cult by a door to door cult salesman?
- What If I buy and Ab Circle Pro off the television at 11pm at night?
- What if I hear a noise?
- What if I have to take a DVD back and I cannot find the DVD and the lady yells at me again?
- What if the kids get into a class that they detest?
- Who is going to help me cover books in contact (like he ever did that anyway... but it is a two person job)
- What will happen to me and the kids if we eat toast every night. Or Pizza?
- What if I run out of wine?
- What if I run out of toilet paper. While I am sitting on the toilet?
- What if I get invited to a really cool event and I cannot find a babysitter? How will the kids cope being out until 2am?
- What if I cry when I take the kids to school on their first day back? (although this is highly unlikely)
- Who am I going to watch the news with every night and pause during each story to have a 5 minute discussion about it with?
- What if George flies down the Chimney and Barry the Manly Man is not around?
I think the answer to all of the above lies with the blue bird.
So day one is down. I know I should not bitch about it as I know women who parent single full time and they do not bitch about it. They just get on and do it. And the ones I know do it so well. My freaking hat, sunnies and all other garments go off the them. Which leaves me naked.
How do you survive being home alone?
Do you LOVE it or LOATHE it?
