I entered the Doctor's Surgery and looked at the half a dozen little babies waiting for their vaccinations and remembered back to when I used to make my Mum or Mr Woog take my babies in for their shots as I would cry and cry and cry.
And then I proceeded to hack up a large golly, complete with dramatic wheezing. The receptionist handed me a mask and I sat as far away as I could while the mum's looked at me with horror. I hid behind the Woman's Day and learnt about why Grant Hackett upturned his wife's baby grand piano.
Eventually my doctor came out. I followed her into her room and we embarked upon a few minutes of small talk about the Woogettes, her new baby girl and how I have not had to see her lately because I am normally a picture of health. Apart from now of course as I had been struck down with some sort of dreaded virus which I was sure was a strain of Ebola and I probably picked it up during my early morning run.
And then she said.
"You write a blog don't you?"
"Well, yes I do. How do you know about that?"
"My husband showed it to me a while back and now we both read it." Dr Lauren explained.
"Wow.... That is such a co-incidence!" I said. But on the inside I was thinking DAMMIT!
There goes my ruse to explain myself as a non-smoking, non-drinking vegan with a thyroid issue. My mind raced back through all the posts where I shared my nights of debauchery and bad behaviour. And she had read them all. There was no point in lying to her. DAMN YOU STRANGE SURNAME.
We got onto discussing my situation and I fessed up to taking up smoking. Again. She was terrific and did not give me "the look". I told her I was done and wanted help to kick the bastards out of my life so we went though my options.
She then prescribed me some antibiotics for my sinus/throat/chest/brain infection. I asked her whether these were going to give me lady cheese and she suggested I grab some canesten just in case. She also wrote out the name of a very good over the counter pain killer, which has worked a treat in no time at all.
The fog is lifting my friends. As is the smoke. Bring it on. And do not lie to your doctor.
