The Mazda's a shit fight and the guinea pigs are sick of their own filth. And Peter the Fattist has not been stalked for more than a week.
Why? I am obsessed with the Royal Wedding (you may have seen my gig as a Royal Correspondent recently) and plan to morph myself back to 1981 to experience the modern wedding and the ultimate fairytale in one night.
So there will be an event at Casa da SawHole. We will be having Pimms and Lemonade, high tea nibbles, Newcastle Brown, scones, tea and trivia. It may or may not be covered by the local newspaper. But probably. Unless a staffy cross mauls someone........
There will be a competition. A SawHole-devised drinking game where you skull when you see something shocking. The key words are: feather on man, VPL Camilla (you will need two drinks after that), matching handbag and shoes, hat too big, ill-fitting bra, generalised VPL and faux medals.
For fuck's sake Julia DO NOT LET US DOWN. No white jacket please.
The GG will be glam as per always. I love her and cannot wait to see her ensemble.
I have also devised a trivia competition, in consultation with Mrs Brown.
Which present day Royal Family member had an Uncle was rumored to be a Nazi sympathiser?
Who did the Nazi sympathiser marry because she reportedly had special bedroom talents?
Which Royal family member was caught out in a notorious toe sucking incident?
In recorded phone conversations, Prince Charles likened himself to which feminine hygiene product?
Camilla + the Duke of Edinburgh =
How many millions would you need to shag Prince Andrew? Would he stay awake?
Prince Edward - is he or isn't he?
Who likes to don the odd Nazi uniform at a party?
Which two Royals caused a ruckus at Ascot one year after poking men’s bottoms with umbrellas?
Camilla or Diana? You say Camilla and I will put your head in a vice.
Finally, can you please take a moment to help me caption this photo.
Royally Yours, Bottoms up and Tally Ho.SawHole the Serf
